Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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