we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
When are your genitals available?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
