Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Boobs are out for the taking
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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