last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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