Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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