I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
