So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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