I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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