he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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