and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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