I murdered the dance floor call the cops
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
