Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
