You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
