We won't sleep together?
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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