Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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