whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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