i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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