saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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