This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Randomize
