wrigley field is MILF paradise
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
