well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
