I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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