I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
