I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
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