I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Fuck appropriateness.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize