Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
