Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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