Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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