then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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