then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
