Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
high people should be assigned attendants
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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