my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
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