the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
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