I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Your penis caused this!
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
