I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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