Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
