I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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