now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
