i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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