Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
