weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
