I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
