the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
