clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
