I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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