Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
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Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
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The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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