I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Randomize
