I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize