question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
