She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
