I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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