Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
