just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
