I accidentally burped into my bong.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
