i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
false alarm. still invincible.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
