Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
