i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
