if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Pooping to opera.
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