stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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