it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
