i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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