Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
