How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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