I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
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Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
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I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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